Vet: Hm. I see. Well I think I may be able to help you. You see ... (he goes over to armchair, puts on spectacles, sits, crosses legs and puts finger tips together)... your cat is suffering from what we Vets haven't found a word for. His condition is typified by total physical inertia, absence of interest in its ambience - what we Vets call environment - failure to respond to the conventional external stimuli - a ball of string, a nice juicy mouse, a bird. To be blunt, your cat is in a rut. It's the old stockbroker syndrome, the suburban fin de siecle ennui, angst, weltschmertz, call it what you will.
Mrs B: Moping.
Vet: In a way, in a way ... hum ... moping, I must remember that. Now, what's to be done? Tell me sir, have you confused your cat recenty?
Mr A: Well we ...
Mrs B: Sh! No.
Vet: Yes ... well I think I can definitely say that your cat badly needs to be confused.
Mrs B: What?
Mr A:Sh! What?
Vet: Confused. To shake it out of its state of complacency. I'm afraid I'm not personally qualified to confuse cats, but I can recommend an extremely good service. Here is their card.
Mrs B: (reading card) Oooh. 'Confuse-a-Cat Limited'.

Here we have the typical, unconfused cat. Note the sleepy expression in his eyes.

Here at Confuse A Cat, our cat confusion experts will go to great lengths to confuse your cat.